"I'll never be your beast of Durden"

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Tyler Durden quotes from Fight Club (1999) Lou: [Lou hits Tyler in the face] Do you hear me now? Tyler Durden: No, I didn't quite catch that, Lou. [Lou hits Tyler again] Tyler Durden: Still not getting it. [Lou hits Tyler a few more times] Tyler Durden: Ok, I got it. Shit, I lost it. [Lou continues to beat up Tyler] Tyler Durden: Fuck off with your sofa units and strine green stripe patterns, I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let... lets evolve, let the chips fall where they may. Tyler Durden: Fight Club was the beginning, now it's moved out of the basement, it's called Project Mayhem. Narrator: [Tyler steers the car into the opposite lane and accelerates] What are you doing? Tyler Durden: Guys, what would you wish you'd done before you died? Ricky: Paint a self-portrait. The Mechanic: Build a house. Tyler Durden: [to Narrator] And you? Narrator: I don't know. Turn the wheel now, come on! Tyler Durden: You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life? Narrator: I don't know, I wouldn't feel anything good about my life, is that what you want to hear me say? Fine. Come on! Tyler Durden: Not good enough. Tyler Durden: Now, a question of etiquette - as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch? Tyler Durden: Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Hessel's life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted. Tyler Durden: Hey, you created me. I didn't create some loser alter-ego to make myself feel better. Take some responsibility! [first lines] [Tyler points a gun into the Narrator's mouth] Narrator: [voiceover] People are always asking me if I know Tyler Durden. Tyler Durden: Three minutes. This is it - ground zero. Would you like to say a few words to mark the occasion? Narrator: ...i... ann... iinn... ff... nnyin... Narrator: [voiceover] With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels. [Tyler removes the gun from the Narrator's mouth] Narrator: I can't think of anything. Narrator: [voiceover] For a second I totally forgot about Tyler's whole controlled demolition thing and I wonder how clean that gun is. Tyler Durden: Would you like to say a few words to mark the occasion? Narrator: mumbles... Tyler Durden: I'm sorry... Narrator: I still can't think of anything. Tyler Durden: Ah... flashback humor. Narrator: This is crazy... Tyler Durden: People do it everyday, they talk to themselves... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it. Tyler Durden: In the world I see - you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center. You'll wear leather clothes that will last you the rest of your life. You'll climb the wrist-thick kudzu vines that wrap the Sears Tower. And when you look down, you'll see tiny figures pounding corn, laying strips of venison on the empty car pool lane of some abandoned superhighway. Tyler Durden: You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. Tyler Durden: Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. Tyler Durden: God Damn! We just had a near-life experience, fellas. [while burning the Narrator's hand with lye] Tyler Durden: Shut up! Our fathers were our models for God. If our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about God? Narrator: No, no, I... don't... Tyler Durden: Listen to me! You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you. This is not the worst thing that can happen. Narrator: It isn't? Tyler Durden: We don't need him! Tyler Durden: Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken. [meeting aboard an airliner] Narrator: What do you do for a living? Tyler Durden: Why? So you can pretend like you're interested? Narrator: He was *the* guerilla terrorist in the food service industry. [the Narrator looks at Tyler, who's urinating in a pot] Tyler Durden: Do not watch. I cannot go when you watch. Narrator: Apart from seasoning the lobster bisque, he farted on the meringue, sneezed on braised endive, and as for the cream of mushroom soup, well... Tyler Durden: [snickers] Go ahead. Tell 'em. Narrator: ...you get the idea. Tyler Durden: Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing. Like the first monkey shot into space. Narrator: [reading] I am Jack's colon. Tyler Durden: I get cancer, I kill Jack. [the narrator pulls a loose tooth out of his mouth] Narrator: Fuck. Tyler Durden: Hey, even the Mona Lisa's falling apart. Tyler Durden: Fuck what you know. You need to forget about what you know, that's your problem. Forget about what you think you know about life, about friendship, and especially about you and me. Tyler Durden: The salt balance has to be just right, so the best fat for making soap comes from humans. Narrator: Wait. What is this place? Tyler Durden: A liposuction clinic. Tyler Durden: We're consumers. We are by-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty, these things don't concern me. What concerns me are celebrity magazines, television with 500 channels, some guy's name on my underwear. Rogaine, Viagra, Olestra. Narrator: Martha Stewart. Tyler Durden: Fuck Martha Stewart. Martha's polishing the brass on the Titanic. It's all going down, man. So fuck off with your sofa units and Strinne green stripe patterns. [Of Marla] Tyler Durden: She's a predator posing as a house pet. Tyler Durden: [his face is soaked in blood; he is shaking it over Lou and screaming] You don't know where I've been. You don't know where I've been. Just let us have the basement, Lou! [while the narrator is on the phone with the police] Tyler Durden: Tell him. Tell him, The liberator who destroyed my property has realigned my perceptions. Tyler Durden: Self improvement is masturbation. Now self destruction... Narrator: What are we doing tonight? Tyler Durden: Tonight? We make soap. Narrator: Really. Tyler Durden: To make soap, first we render fat. Narrator: Hello? Tyler Durden: [Eating breakfast cereal] Who is this? Narrator: Tyler? Tyler Durden: Who is this? Narrator: Uh... we met... we met on the airplane. We had the same suitcase. Uh... the clever guy? Tyler Durden: Oh yeah, right. [Snickers] Tyler Durden: Ok? Narrator: I called a second ago, th - there was no answer, I'm at the payphone... Tyler Durden: - yeah, I *69ed you, I never pick up my phone. [Crunch, crunch] Tyler Durden: So what's up, huh? Narrator: Uh, well... You're not gonna believe this... Tyler Durden: Hitting bottom isn't a weekend retreat. It's not a goddamn seminar. Stop trying to control everything and just let go! LET GO! [to the Narrator who has just fired a warning shot into the window of an explosives filled van] Tyler Durden: WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! Ok, you are now firing a gun at your 'imaginary friend' near 400 GALLONS OF NITROGLYCERINE! Tyler Durden: I'll bring us through this. As always. I'll carry you - kicking and screaming - and in the end you'll thank me. [about Tyler splicing frames of pornography into family films] Narrator: So when the snooty cat, and the courageous dog, with the celebrity voices meet for the first time in reel three, that's when you'll catch a flash of Tyler's contribution to the film. [the audience is watching the film, the pornography flashes for a split second] Narrator: Nobody knows that they saw it, but they did... Tyler Durden: A nice, big cock... [several audience members look rattled, a little girl is crying] Narrator: Even a hummingbird couldn't catch Tyler at work. Tyler Durden: [to the police chief] Hi. You're going to call off your rigorous investigation. You're going to publicly state that there is no underground group. Or... these guys are going to take your balls. They're going to send one to the New York Times, one to the LA Times press-release style. Look, the people you are after are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances. We guard you while you sleep. Do not... fuck with us. Narrator: You're insane. Tyler Durden: No, you're insane. Narrator: Tyler was a night person. While the rest of us were sleeping, he worked. He had one part time job as a projectionist. See, a movie doesn't come all on one big reel. It comes on a few. So someone has to be there to switch the projectors at the exact moment that one reel ends and the next one begins. If you look for it, you can see these little dots come into the upper right-hand corner of the screen. Tyler Durden: In the industry, we call them "cigarette burns." Narrator: That's the cue for a changeover. He flips the projectors, the movie keeps right on going, and nobody in the audience has any idea. Tyler Durden: Why would anyone want this shit job? Narrator: Because it affords him other interesting opportunities. Tyler Durden: Like splicing single frames of pornography into family films. [while narrator is on the phone] Tyler Durden: Reject the basic assumptions of civilization, especially the importance of material possessions. Tyler Durden: You're too old, fat man. Your tits are too big. [Tyler walks away, throwing his cigarette] Tyler Durden: Get the fuck off my porch. Narrator: Tyler, I'm grateful to you; for everything that you've done for me. But this is too much. I don't want this. Tyler Durden: What do you want? Wanna go back to the shit job, fuckin' condo world, watching sitcoms? Fuck you, I won't do it. [the Narrator's apartment has just been blown to pieces] Narrator: I had it all. I had a stereo that was very decent, a wardrobe that was getting very respectable. I was close to being complete. Tyler Durden: Shit man, now it's all gone. Tyler Durden: Just tell him you fuckin' did it. Tell him you blew it all up. That's what he wants to hear. Tyler Durden: We're a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need. Tyler Durden: Well you did lose a lot of versatile solutions for modern living Narrator: Bob is dead, they shot him in the head! Tyler Durden: You wanna make an omelet, you gotta break some eggs. Tyler Durden: [the Narrator places the gun under his chin and cocks back the hammer] Now why would you want to go and blow your head off? Narrator: Not my head, Tyler, *our* head. Tyler Durden: [the Narrator is trying to disarm a car bomb of nitroglycerin] You don't know which wire to pull. Narrator: I know everything you do, so if you know I know. Tyler Durden: Or maybe, since I knew you'd know I spent all days thinking about the wrong wires. [Narrator pauses] Narrator: I want you to listen to me very carefully, Tyler. Tyler Durden: Okay... Narrator: My eyes are open. [the Narrator puts the gun into his mouth and pulls trigger] Tyler Durden: We are all part of the same compost heap. Tyler Durden: Now, ancient people found their clothes got cleaner if they washed them at a certain spot in the river. You know why? Narrator: No. Tyler Durden: Human sacrifices were once made on the hills above this river. Bodies burnt, water speeded through the wood ashes to create lye. [holds up a bottle] Tyler Durden: This is lye - the crucial ingredient. The lye combined with the melted fat of the bodies, till a thick white soapy discharge crept into the river. May I see your hand, please? [Tyler licks his lips until they're gleaming wet - he takes the Narrator's hand and kisses the back of it] Narrator: What is this? Tyler Durden: This... [pours the lye on the Narrator's hand] Tyler Durden: ... is chemical burn. Narrator: You're fucking Marla, Tyler. Tyler Durden: Uh, technically, you're fucking Marla, but it's all the same to her. Tyler Durden: Something on your mind, dear? Tyler Durden: This is a chemical burn. It will hurt more than you've ever been burned before. You will have a scar. Tyler Durden: If you could fight anyone, who would you fight? Narrator: I'd fight my boss, prob'ly. Tyler Durden: Really. Narrator: Yeah, why, who would you fight? Tyler Durden: I'd fight my dad. Narrator: I don't know my dad. I mean, I know him, but... he left when I was like six years old. Married this other woman, had some other kids. He like did this every six years, he goes to a new city and starts a new family. Tyler Durden: Fucker's setting up franchises. Tyler Durden: Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think every thing you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned- Tyler. Tyler Durden: My dad never went to college, so it was real important that I go. Narrator: Sounds familiar. Tyler Durden: So I graduate, I call him up long distance, I say "Dad, now what?" He says, "Get a job." Narrator: Same here. Tyler Durden: Now I'm 25, make my yearly call again. I say Dad, "Now what?" He says, "I don't know, get married." Narrator: I can't get married, I'm a 30 year old boy. Tyler Durden: We're a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need. Narrator: What do you do? Tyler Durden: What do you mean? Narrator: What do you do for a living? Tyler Durden: Why? So you can pretend like you're interested? Narrator: Why wasn't I told about Project Mayhem? Tyler Durden: What are you talking about? Narrator: Why didn't you include me, in the beginning? Tyler Durden: Fight Club *was* the beginning. Narrator: [looking at a Calvin Klein ad on a bus] Is that what a man looks like? Tyler Durden: [laughs] Self-improvement is masturbation. Now self-destruction... Tyler Durden: If you could fight anyone, who would you fight? Narrator: Shatner. I'd fight William Shatner. Tyler Durden: *slaps the Narrator, throws away goggles* Listen to me! You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you, never wanted you, and in all probability, he HATES you. It's not the worst thing that can happen. Narrator: It isn't? Tyler Durden: We don't NEED Him! Narrator: *squirms* We don't - we don't - ! Tyler Durden: Fuck damnation, man! Fuck redemption! We're God's unwanted children, SO BE IT! Lou: *punches Tyler in face* You here me now? Tyler Durden: Alright, alright, I got it. I got it - shit I lost it. Tyler Durden: I want you to hit me as hard as you can. Narrator: What do you want me to do? You want me to hit you? Tyler Durden: Come on, do me this one favor. Narrator: Why? Tyler Durden: Why? I don't know why, I don't know. Never been in a fight, you? Narrator: No, but that's a good thing. Tyler Durden: No, man it's not. How much can you know yourself if you've never been in a fight? I don't wanna die with out any scars. Tyler Durden: [Robbing a liposuction clinic] The richest, creamiest fat in the world. The fat of the land. Tyler Durden: This is your pain. This is your burning hand. It's right here. Look at it. Narrator: I'm going to my cave. I'm going to my cave and I'm going to find my power animal. Tyler Durden: No! Don't deal with this the way those dead people do. Deal with it the way a living person does.